The Et Cetera of Internal Debates

Yes, I know it's been a month and a half since I last posted. Things have been a bit hectic lately. But, I'm okay if you're okay.

So, Erich Fromm, huh? Interesting cat. I dig a dude who will take Freud on. Plus, his middle name was Pinchas, and I find that awesome. He wrote a book called The Art of Loving that you MUST read. It is necessary. It is, in my mind, second only to The Four Loves by C.S. Lewis as an exploration of what Love is -- of what it should be, of it would should never be. Read it.

Dr. Fromm and I don't always agree, but his thought on insecurity struck me. Each of us has something(s) we are insecure about. None of us are perfect, and most of us are our own harshest critics. But how does one learn to tolerate insecurity?

First of all, people too frequently confuse insecurity with fears or even vanity. In order to get to the root of the problem (if there is a problem), you must first figure out what it is you're really dealing with. Are you truly insecure? Or is it more phobia? Or is it possible that you are just so vain . . . maybe you even think this blog is about you? (Sorry - couldn't resist.)

Look at it this way: is insecurity a form of vanity? Do you hate some aspect of yourself that you deem imperfect? And to what extent? Does it keep you up nights? Do you ever see that same imperfection in someone else? Or is everyone on the planet just plainly and simply better than you? Or are you just afraid that they are?

Insecurities, fears, and vanity can all be either rational or irrational. One might be very insecure about their extremely large Gonzo nose. Their insecurity may be rational/valid. But, I also guarantee you that someone somewhere digs a Gonzo nose and finds profound beauty in it. That, my friends, is what makes the world go 'round. Each of us have quirks in even our preferences, save we have enough ability left over to still think for ourselves outside of media brainwashing. My grandfather goes crazy for buck-teeth. My dad gushes over a crooked smile. These are perceived "flaws" that are actually striking to some.

Am I saying in a round-about way that there is someone for everyone, and we should all lay off ourselves and wait for the one that celebrates those things in us that make us feel internally like circus freaks? No, I'm not. Am I telling you to embrace your inner (or outer) circus freak? Kind of. I'm not a big proponent of Self-Love. I am, though, a strong advocate of individualism and self-acceptance. To me, one of the greatest accomplishments a human being can undertake is the admission of his/her "lesser strengths." Again, let's be rational. A Gonzo nose does not make you a lesser person than s/he who is without Gonzo nose. But self-loathing and loathing of others who prompt insecurity within you - even if it is just about a Gonzo nose - may make you a lesser person. Also, don't complain about what you tolerate. If your "flaw" is reparable, work on you.

"We cannot change anything until we accept it. Condemnation does not liberate, it oppresses." - Jung

Insecurity, self-loathing, fears of rejection and replacement can all be very excrutiating, even debilitating. It is important to recognize those things and reach the root of their existence in order to progress to some semblance of tolerating them. Before analyzing your insecurities, please take a moment to analyze what qualities you possess. If you can do this for yourself, you are more likely to be capable of pointing out to other people what is good/great about them. (If you have the ability to look beyond yourself and celebrate others, you're doing better than most.) And, if you are able to state what is positive about yourself, you are also more likely to surround yourself with people who alleviate your insecurities. Especially when it comes to a life mate, you must sense in that person your best interest.

Know, understand, and appreciate every single wonderful thing about you. And ignore any nay-sayer, even if it is yourself.